Friday was my daughter's 21st birthday so we have been having a lovely weekend celebrating
And I guess I have now officially done my job as a parent!
So as we now navigate the next stage of her life, here are some things I've learnt along the way that have had a bearing on my work and life...
1. Being fit isn't necessarily going to give you the birth you want.
I wanted a home birth with Louise - I bought the fairy lights and shower curtain, I went to an active birth workshop and I read all the books. And there were tales in the gyms of instructors who taught a spin class in the morning and gave birth in the afternoon and were back to work within weeks.
I thought this would be my experience
But I had pelvic girdle pain (PGP) and had to give up work 2 months earlier than I wanted to, I ended up needing an emergency caesarean and I definitely didn't bounce back afterwards...
Lesson learnt:
I realised that exercise in pregnancy was a chance to prepare for labour and not just about keeping fit - I had a lot of knowledge but not much practical experience. I also hated that the advice for PGP in pregnancy was to stop doing certain things - I wanted to find exercises that would help. So my classes are now focused on helping mums stay comfortable, give them tools to help during labour and aid postnatal recovery as well as general fitness
2. Bouncing back is awful pressure to put on mums
I thought I'd be back in the gyms teaching 6 weeks after giving birth
Having had a caesarean that pushed back return to 12 weeks
But in all honesty, I didn't really want to get back to exercise that quickly - I was exhausted and had no energy to give to other people
So it took me 5 months before I was ready
I was covering a high impact aerobics class for another instructor at a gym I hadn't worked in before
The floor was not sprung but I threw myself into the class - I'd missed teaching!
And that evening I prolapsed...
Lesson learnt:
Returning to exercise postnatally is not about how long you wait - it's about easing yourself in gently and then gradually getting back to where you were. And this timeline will be different for different people. But your body is still healing up to 2 years post birth, so listening to your body and not pushing too hard too soon is key
Also - pelvic floor fitness is essential!
3. There is no one way to parent
When I had Louise the parenting books were all about controlled crying, strict schedules and not letting baby rule your life
I struggled for 3 months with breastfeeding - I only continued because I felt I'd failed at giving birth by having a caesarean and I didn't want to fail at breastfeeding too
Because of this struggle I just had to go with whatever made life easier
So night-time she was driven around the M60 crying herself to sleep and then left in the car seat by my side until she woke for a feed - so she was in the car seat for longer than was advised
I fed her in bed as that meant I could fall asleep more easily - so we ended up co-sleeping, which was advised against at the time
I fed on demand and she used to fall asleep feeding - you weren't supposed to let that happen, but put them down awake so they could self soothe
All of these were what I could cope with at the time, but went against all the rules - so I felt guilty that I was doing it wrong and that I was setting her up to struggle later
Lesson learnt:
If there was one way to do things there would be one book.
Advice is usually borne from what works for one person. This may then work for many others but not necessarily all
You have to do what suits your lifestyle and with what you are willing to do
4. It's all hard
Being a parent first time round means you are always learning new things. Just when you master one thing the next change comes along to navigate - weaning, tantrums, school, friendships, peer pressure, upsets, social media, exams, partners and more
There's been some very challenging times over our 21 years together. And I often feel like I'm getting it wrong (at the back of my mind I think of Philip Larkin's 'This Be The Verse' and know I'm not the only one)
But she has come out of it a kind, generous, funny, fun and self-assured person - despite or because of it all!
And I'm so proud of her
Lesson learnt:
It may not ever be just easy but there is joy at every stage
Sarah x
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